Happy Halloween Everyone!

Hope everyone has fun tonight doing whatever your plans are! I'll be handing out candy to the little one's with my in-laws. I did my fun partying this past weekend with my sister's in-laws. My husband and I dressed up as Lucille Ball and Ricky Ricardo.  It was so much fun!
Some of the goodies I brought for them to enjoy were pumpkin deviled eggs and pumpkin spice cookies.  The deviled eggs are just a basic recipe with food coloring added. Then I just sprinkled chives for the stem and sweet paprika.
Deviled eggs
•18 eggs
•2 tbsp of mayo (adjust to amount of eggs )
•2 tbsp of mustard
•sprinkle of sweet paprika
•chives
Boil the eggs for 30 minutes. Pour out hot water and run cool water over the eggs. This is just to cool them enough too handle.  I found it better to slide the shell off when they are still warm.
Cut in half and scoop out yolk.  Place in separate bowl. Now get another bowl and place about 4 cups of water, one cup of vinegar and food coloring. Let set for as long as you would like the orange.
Mix the mayo, mustard and food coloring together.  Now take the eggs and scoop the mixture into them. Sprinkle chives and paprika. Enjoy!
Pumpkin spice cookies
• 2 1/4 cup flour
• 2/3 powered sugar
• 1/3 sugar
• 1 tsp. baking powder
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 1 tbsp. vanilla
• 2 tbsp. pumpkin spice
• 1 1/4 cup butter
Place all the dry ingredients together.  Cut the butter into the dry ingredients and then add the vanilla. Now split the dough in half. Place in two separate bowls.  Make one orange and the other black. You can do whatever color you'd like.  Roll each onto it own wax paper and lay in the freezer for 30 minutes. 
Take out both pieces and lay on top of each other. Roll the dough. If you'd like roll in orange sprinkles like I did.  Place back in for 15 minutes.  Preheat oven to 350°. 
Cut the cookies into slices and place on parchement lined pans. Bake for 15 minutes and take out. Let cool for 10 minutes.  Enjoy!
Have a Spooktacular Halloween Everyone!!!

Pumpkins!!!!

Well I went pumpkin hunting at the beginning of the month. I have to say that going at the beginning is way better opposed to the end. I just didn't carve my pumpkins until this week and they are still kicking. I have learned to awesome ways to keep them alive for as long as you possibly can(1-2 weeks). One is a diluted bleach spray. It works well and it keeps the bacteria from coming back. Another is Vaseline. I've only done this one this year and it is working wonders ( thank you Martha Stewart!).  I cut my pumpkin on Saturday and it looks still fresh today! I got three pumpkins this year, a white and two orange. I painted one to look like the balloons and house from "Up"! The bigger pumpkin I carved with my mom and did like "Pixar's ,La Luna". I haven't decided what to do with the white one yet.

 

Capture Your Grief 2012

Here I am playing catch up with this as well. I want to really do this because I do believe it's helping in some ways. I apologize again if this is not your cup of tea. I'm doing this for myself or anyone else that has jumped onto this unhappy train ride. It's one that you really wish you could get off at anytime, but God has a different plan and you just have to hold on tight. That's how I feel right now at this moment. I find myself looking at my some what empty home (I say that because my husband and loving pets live here. :) ) and wishing it were different. Almost like nothing I do will make a difference or matter until we get what we want. Well enough ranting, here's what I missed.

On day 19 it was what kind of projects have you worked on since your losses. I've only done little projects such as the prayer flag, passing out ribbons to show awareness and making clay figures for their memorial. I know in my heart I want to do more. When I see how excited people get because you care so much about them, that is what makes me happy at this moment and time.

For day 20 we are suppose to share a charity that has touched us on this journey. I'm going to be honest I've found a ton of good websites to go on and they have all touched me in some way, shape or form. I would have to say that Carly Marie's Project Heal is at the top of the list. It was the first one that I came across that I keep going back to and refer anyone who has lost a loved one to. You will meet lots of wonderful people and feel more at home. Now I know this is about pregnancy or infant loss but I want to share this site anyway because I know there are people out there that have heard those horrible words " You won't be able to have children". I came across this wonderful site where this amazing young lady helps parents adopt by selling ornaments, Just a Small Town Girl. 

On day 21 we are supposed to share a altar/sacred space. Our's is in the dining room, it's small but I feel like  they are still apart of us with that space there.

Day 22 was who took care of me. Obviously because I've only experienced early miscarriages it was mostly up to my, but along side me all the way was my husband. Can't say I was the best patient at times, but I'm thankful that he understood. :)

Those are chocolate cigars. :) 

Day 23 is their names or photos.

On day 24 we have to share about their siblings or ours. Since of course we have no living children I will share about my husband's and my siblings. My sister's were at first not sure what to say. It didn't help that a couple week's later one of them announced they were pregnant. I felt like when she approached me I was being told bad news. So for a while I felt I had to be stronger and let a lot of things just roll off my shoulders.  I'm glad now that they are starting to come around and listen a little more. My husband has a brother and sister. I don't remember what his brother's reaction was, but his sister asked me " Why does this keep happening " She was concerned and I think crushed. 

 

Finally day 25 we are supposed to share what we got as a blessing/baby shower gift. Of course we have never made it that far, but for the first lost I had bought white slippers and "Twas The Night Before Christmas".

 

Thank you everyone for listening! Have a wonderful day!

Hello Everyone!

I know it's nearing the end of the week and as usual that's when I like/get the chance to make an appearance on here. You would think with a part time schedule it would leave room for lot's to do, but it sure doesn't feel that way sometimes. I think the holidays are really starting to kick my butt already, on top of all the birthdays and extras I like to do in between.

I recently did over 50+ donuts for a high school band my husband helps out. It always stresses me out at first because I expect perfection in myself and want to show that I care in whatever I am doing. This was my first big project after all, but in the end the kids loved them and that was enough for my. Especially when I got to see them perform later that day and they found out that they are going to State Competitions!!! :)

Then for practically a month now I've been planning a way to send my niece the perfect care package to celebrate here first birthday since we cannot be there. I would have to say the all my hard work paid off and it really made my day as well as my sister's. In her care package was a Yo Gabba Gabba (Foofa) onesie, matching pink tutu and headband, kid drumsticks, Yo Gabba Gabba paper dolls, Yo Gabba Gabba handmade slippers and a "Just add Ice Cream" kit. All of these things are her favorites and it sound like she spent most of the day caring everything around and that melts my heart. :) 

To do the slippers is not too hard. I'm a beginner and I made it work for me! :) Here is the website that I got the template and further instructions from Pink Slipper Project.

Donuts

Are you ready for this? Here is the best and easiest way to make donuts without breaking the bank! Just get a roll of the Pillsbury biscuit's and cut holes on the middle. I used my cookie cutter, but you can use a bottle cap.You will now have donuts and donut holes. Heat some oil in a pot. You will know it's ready when you sprinkle a little water and it pops. Now place them in a little at a time. It takes about 10-20 seconds each side. Place on paper towel lined pan. Now you can decorate to you hearts content. I'm thinking about a glaze, green to be specific because I'm going to be doing these for the high school band my husband helps!

October 13th!

So October 13th was my birthday! I know it's too soon to say, but I am already feeling pretty optimistic about this year. It feels different, I can't describe how, but I do know it feels different some how.   I made my own cake and I know that sounds weird, but that's just how I roll. I went to a band competition with my husband and then I got to do whatever  I wanted. It was basically just a chill day of food, shopping and playing video games. I think my husband was surprised when I requested we play video games. :) I think one of the best parts of the day was when I found this awesome candy store, It Sugar. I found astronaut ice cream and finally got to try it! It is the best!                                     

Capture Your Grief 2012

I've kind of been busy lately and therefore it has kept me from here, I apologize for my absence.

On the 11th day we were suppose to share who has been of great support. I would have to say that my husband were the best support to each other. I really don't think that we would be where we are now without each other. We also had family and co-workers who of great help. I know that I said that my family wasn't while my sister was pregnant, but I think that they have grown to understand that all we need is their support. Especially since I talk to my mom and let her know what to say or do if she wants to be of any assistance to us. On the 15th of October of this year I was totally ecstatic to see all the support I was getting, especially from work.  It was such an uplifting feeling. :)

For the 12th we had to share scents that remind us of our baby. I couldn't really think of anything for this one. I think I would have been more effected by this one if I had been farther along, but I wasn't  I do remember that my husband could't go down the baby isle for a while cause of the pain it caused and even now since he works in a warehouse that distributes those kinds of products he get's kind of upset when he has to box them, but he is growing each day.

On the 13th it was all about signs. I chose hummingbird for our sign. I'm pretty sure we've had tons of signs like butterflies that flutter really close by or clouds that resemble things, but this one I thought would be the best. My husband and I like to take walks at a trail near our home and there seem to be a lot of hummingbirds there when we are there. While there we've had a couple flutter in front of us for a good amount of time.  They didn't want to move out of the way either, I was kind of afraid if I kept walking I'd get poked. :) Well now that I was thinking about it, I've had another possible sign on the same trail. Sometimes while on this trail we'd be coming back when it's dark. Well one night I looked up and there was a shooting star, but no ordinary star. This one went on for a good 30 to 60 seconds.

Day 14 was about what community have you taken part in with this. I wish there were more groups where I was at to do the things I do now where I live but that's now the case. The community that I've been mostly involved with is Carly Marie's Project Heal. I guess I could say I've also done things with the March Of Dimes. Also whenever I notice a new community online I like to jump on board to make new friends and such.



For day 15 it was the wave of light all across the world. My loving husband lit the candles for my because I was at work, but seeing all the candle being lit across the world was amazing and so beautiful! I did the three for my babies and I had the other ones for all the babies across the world! <3 I put a pink and blue candle in my ice cream so I felt like I was still taking part. :)

Day 16 was about releases of any sort. I think it would be could to release butterflies one day, but for now we've only done balloons. 

On the 17th it was all about what we did to celebrate their anniversary/birthday/due date. For Libby's birthday I wanted to make a cake, but like always time runs out and so we bought one. I made the topper though, which is "The Hungry Caterpillar". 

Finally today is a family portrait. Because there is only Carlos and I there really isn't too many family photos of that sort. So I made one up, which I think came out pretty good. 

Again thank you everyone for listening to me talk about this. <3

Capturing Your Grief 2012: Day 10

Today we share a symbol that reminds us of our children and our symbol is the butterfly. 



The butterfly has always been a huge symbol for our babies. What I found amazing is every time we seemed to have a loss, the cluster of butterflies fluttering together would change from 1, 2 to now three. I don't remember a time now when there isn't a butterfly far behind us. I'm really glad we live in Arizona, were butterflies get to stay around a little longer. It brings a great sort of comfort. ♥

Homemade Candy Corn

One of my all time favorite candies around this time has to be candy corn. That is why I was especially stoked when I found a recipe to do your own at http://mobile.seriouseats.com/recipes/2009/10/how-to-make-homemade-candy-corn-halloween-recipe.html . They are amazing and super fun to make!

You will need:

1 cup cup of sugar
2/3 cup of corn syrup
1/3 cup butter
2 1/4 cup confectionery sugar
1/3 cup powdered milk
1 tsp. Vanilla
Yellow and Red coloring

Start out by placing the confectionery sugar and powdered milk in small bowl and set aside.

Then, in a pot place sugar, syrup and butter on high. Bring to a boil and stir continuously. Now turn down to medium and let cook for 5 minutes. Still stirring occasionally.  Once thats done turn off and add vanilla. Remove from heat and add set aside mixture to sugar mixture. Let cook for 30 minutes or until cool enough to handle.

Split the dough into 3 parts. Add yellow and red coloring to one piece, and just yellow to another. The third will just stay the way it is. I placed mine in seran wrap while I was meshing the color into the dough.

Take the three pieces out and roll each one each individually. Now set them side by side and take a rolling pin, roll gently to mesh them together. Then take a knife and start cutting triangles. Tada! There you have it, yummy candy corn!

Tip: Keep them in the fridge if you want then to keep better shape. In Arizona it's always a challenge to keep my candy or chocolate creations in tact. :)

Capturing Your Grief 2012 : Day 8

Today I'm sharing pieces of jewelry that I have in memory of our children.
The copper shoe we got not too long after the first loss. I've worn it so much and its gone through the stress of new babies and pets that now it has been retired.
The bracelet with the angel on it and the word "Always in Your Heart" was a gift from my sister on my 26th birthday. It was such a heart felt gift and it was just great knowing that she understood how I felt.
The heart necklace my husband and I choose after the 2nd loss. There is not a day when I'm not wearing it. 

Capturing Your Grief 2012 : Day 7

What to say-
Ask me about them! 
Just knowing that you care enough to acknowledge them still is enough. :)

Capturing Your Grief: Day 6

For today we are supposed to post what not to say to someone who has suffered a loss. Here are just a few that were bothersome to me.

You'll still have your neice's to take care of!

True, but I'm not their mother and I don't get to make life changing decisions for them.  Nor do I get to experience the motherly bond that my sisters get to. I'm just the aunt who has no real purpose other then to spoil.

The right baby just hasn't found you yet!

One of our first nurse practitioners said this to me in the hopes that it would make me feel better. All it made me want to do was want to find another doctor. 

Carlos and you need to get over it and be happy for your sister!

Not even a couple weeks after our first loss my sister found out she was expecting.  She was afraid to tell us because of our loss and of how we would react. I sucked up my pride and congratulated her because I knew it was the right thing to do. Yet for some reason after that we kept getting told to suck up our feelings even more for her sake. I just didn't get it. I was happy, but I couldn't help but feel betrayed.

Haunted Mansion Stretch Photos

To continue on with my Haunted Mansion theme at my home I decided to make these easy and kid spook friendly stretch photos. All you need is three 4x4 in. canvas boards, mod podge and the stretch photos from Doom Buggies.

On his photo they are all stuck together so you will have to crop each one by themselves and then print. Then mod podge the canvas and place the photo on top. Make sure the canvases are properly aligned. Now you can either cut them apart or just leave them as is. I think I might leave mine as is, but who knows. :)

Capturing Your Grief: Day 5

This is the memorial that we have started to build in our home for our children. It's right in the dining room, next to the kitchen. This personally is one of my favorite place in our home. I spend most of my time in the kitchen or around it baking or doing a craft or two. To me this is the perfect spot because it feels like I bring them a little closer and that they are there with me as I do the things I love everyday and wish they were really doing with me. 

Capturing Your Grief: Day 4

Today we had to share our most treasured item/s. This was kind of hard at first because I didn't have something someone had given me or baby clothes that we has brought home from a hospital like some people. We didn't make it that far. Then I remembered the wind chimes that we had bought not to long after the first loss. I wanted a gentle reminder that our child and now children will always be with us. It's very comforting.

Capturing Your Grief: Day 3

Today we are suppose to post a picture after our loss. I've experienced multiple losses, but felt the first loss would be the most significant. After all it was the one that has left us on this downward spiral.

I will admit right now that I'm loving this project! I remember when we lost our first child and it was the hardest. I decided to shut it all in for my husband's sake since he was taking it harder and not necessarily act like it didn't happen, but try to smile and see it in a different light. I never really grieved, which made it especially harder when I found out a couple weeks later after it happens my sister was expecting. I don't think I ever tried so hard to put on my happy face. This project has given me the ability to let go some of those feeling that were probably there from the very get-go. 

In this photo I'm holding some slippers I had found in my excitement and just had to buy.   I hung them from the Christmas tree and felt so uplifted. Looking at this picture now, it just brings back all the heartache. Knowing that it wasn't our time to be parents yet and feeling so robbed!

Thank you everyone who is joining me on my daily grieving journey!

Capturing Your Grief: Day 2

On this day we are supposed to post a picture of us before our loss. At first I wasn't quite sure what to do because all of my losses were early and I had no pregnancy glimmer photos. What was I was to do? Then I decided on a picture of my husband and I on the ferris wheel, happy and carefree.  Oblivious to what would lie ahead.  It shows the same emotions I felt when I first found out. So excited that I even hugged the nurse. 

Capturing Your Grief 2012

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss, for me this is truly a personal time to reflect and pay tribute! Carley Dudley has come up with an amazing concept of sharing how you felt thru pictures in 31 days. Yesterday, October 1st was a sunrise. I was hoping to capture one of Arizona's amazing sunrises but living in town doesn't help. I love this picture none the less. 

If you would like to partake in this the website is http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2012/09/capture-your-grief-this-october-2012-for-pregnancy-infant-loss-awareness-month.html .